When filling out the college entrance examination, my father once told me that it was suitable for girls to have a stable job and not to be that tired, like being a teacher; talking about my future career, my father sighed: "If you were a boy you could try to be a director." How different is this from Ban Zhao's "Women's Commandment" for women to focus on mediocre speech and mediocre behavior? With regards to the "women's morality, speech, appearance and work" nearly 2,000 years ago, as well as the corrupt words and decadent theories that have nothing to do with educational background, we find that they are still "stubborn" and lurking in all corners of contemporary daily life, even though they are constantly criticized. Why is the "gender label", which has been questioned since the decline of the patriarchal concept in the Tang and Song dynasties, can be so strong?
记得填高考志愿时，父亲曾告诉我女孩子工作稳定就好，不要太累，当老师就很适合女孩子；谈到我的未来职业，父亲叹息：“你要是个男孩就可以试着当局长了。”这与班昭《女诫》对女子注重庸言庸行有几分不同？对于近两千年前的“妇德、妇言、妇容、妇功”，对于与教育背景无关的腐言朽论，我们纵然不断批判，却发现其依旧“顽固不化”，潜藏于当代日常生活的各个角落。自唐宋宗法观念渐衰即受到质疑的“性别标签”，为何如此坚固？
When the People's Republic of China was founded, marriage laws were first enacted to support women's rights and interests; "women can hold up half of the sky" was also propagated to allow women to step out of the "inner gate" and embrace a broad social life. However, the key to change is not only in the system and the law, but also in the basic aspect of social life, namely, human morality and daily use.
新中国成立，首先颁布婚姻法，为妇女权益“撑腰”；“妇女能顶半边天”，宣传的也是让妇女走出“内闱”，拥抱广阔的社会生活。然而，“见之以礼者未必定于律”，关键的转变并不仅仅在制度、法律，更在于社会生活的基本面——伦常，即人伦日用。
People are the sum of their social relations, defined by social relations, and the deep-rooted morality reminds us that the ancient and modern worlds are not so separated. From Ban Zhao's idea that women never need to be wise to Sun Qifeng's words, "In a family, the man is also the foundationn", as long as the decadent morality is still rampant, changing the cramped living space of certain gender groups may not be easy and observable.
人是其社会关系的总和，人被社会关系限定，根深蒂固的伦常提示我们，古今间并没有那样天悬地隔。从班昭的女子不必具有才智，到孙奇逢的“一家之中，男子本也”，只要腐朽之伦常依旧甚嚣尘上，改变某些性别群体生存空间之逼仄境况，都未必明朗、可观。
But at the same time, there is always "enlightened theories". In the gap between history and ethics, Li Zhi said, "Both men and women are human beings," and "If one is unfortunate enough to be a woman, then all that can be done in the world cannot be done, and this is a great injustice in heaven and earth". Today， there are also men who are willing to appeal for equal rights.
但同时，历来也都有“通达之论”。探寻历史与伦理的缝隙，李贽言“男女皆人也”“一若人生不幸而为女，则凡人世之所可为者皆不得为，此固天地间不平之甚者也”。今天亦有一些为平权振臂高呼的男士。
The solidity of morality and the immersion of social culture are confronting with the social transformation and the balance of social values of different genders. Individuals cannot influence the morality, but they can choose their own way of life and practice in their lives--to persist in exploring and enriching their own spirit, to run once they can, to call out if they want, to move upward and to the light, never being bound by corrupt theories, even if being trapped in the cramped huts.
伦常之稳固、社会文化之浸染，正与社会转型、不同性别社会价值趋向平衡等相胶着、对抗。个人无法左右伦常，但可以在生活中选择自己的生活方式和实践取向——坚持对自我精神的探索与丰盈，于逼仄的小屋中，能奔走的奔走，欲呼告的呼告，向上、向光，不为腐论所缚。
Returning to the initial conversation with my family, I would like to say that gender cannot be held responsible for many prejudices such as a stable or mediocre career choice.
回到最初与家人的对话，我想说，性别不能为职业选择或安稳、平庸等诸多偏见“背锅”。
Tear off the gender label, explore yourself, and pursue the point of light; may a star in the water, there will be stars in the sky. Even if the road is thorny, we will never give up and always be together.
撕掉性别标签，探索自我，追寻光点；愿一星在水，便有繁星当空辉映，纵使道路荆棘，也共车马衣裘。
Date: June 21, 2022
