Once I talked about dreams, I always want to lead an challenging and passionate life. I watched a program titled " Legal Report " on TV and dreamed of becoming a talent in legal circles, holding highly the legal weapon of fairness and justice, to wipe away darkness in the world. I remember, in the first class meeting of the senior grade, my deskmate and I exchanged each other's wish card. Differently, she likes inheriting gentle dark fire, being a writer.
曾经的我谈起梦想，总想要爆燃的人生。我看着电视里的《今日说法》，幻想成为一名律政佳人，高举公平正义的法律武器，为世间拂去黑暗。记得高三开学的第一次班会课上，我和同桌交换了彼此的心愿卡，她和我不同，她喜欢传承温吞的暗火，做个文字工作者。
Just never thought, a year later, we "exchanged" life in university application. She went to my dream school to study law, and I applied for a normal university to study Chinese language and literature. Putting down my original dream is also the choice after continuous struggle.
只是不曾想，一年后，志愿填报结束，我们“交换”了人生。她去了我的梦校学习法学，我报考了师范院校学习中国语言文学。放下最初的梦想，也是我挣扎后的选择。
I asked myself if I have enough courage and perseverance to face the darkness and helplessness of this real society. Did I have a calm and clear mind? Could I stand up for myself in the choice between bread and justice? The answer was probably no.
我扪心自问，是否有足够的勇气和毅力，面对真实社会的黑暗和无奈？我是否有足够冷静和清晰的头脑？我是否能在面包和正义的抉择时坚守自我？答案很可能是否定的。
But after I let go of my dreams, what could I hold on to?
但我放下了曾经的梦想后，我又能抓住什么？
Until last year, I took part in a summer volunteer teaching activity. In a short period of ten days, the life in Mao Ping junior high school made me relive all the youthful throbs of high schools. Follow them to play clay, basketball as well as tug-of-war... Those years that belong to me have ended, but this profession, a teacher, could always live in those youth, listening to children talk about their problems with someone and looking at their faces after winning a debate contest. What uncontrollable joy！
直到去年，我参加了暑期支教。短短的十几天，茅中的生活让我重温了中学校园的所有青春悸动。跟着他们玩黏土，打篮球，拔河……属于我的那些年已经结束了，但是老师这个职业却可以一直活在那些青春里，听孩子们倾诉和某人的矛盾；看他们拿了辩论赛优胜方以后，脸上那掩抑不住的喜悦……
Some children had a wide range of knowledge, urging me to learn more in the future to stand on the platform well. Some children never chime in on a discussion of preparation for a game, but became eloquent when they speak. Some children, although very silent, unwilling to speak, but insisted on going to school every day, never doze off. The kids thanked me for making them feel brave enough to stand up and express their opinions in class; thanked me for instructing them to play games with firm eyes and let them not so afraid and nervous. I also picked up a lot of new characters in children's letters: a head teacher with a cold face, being cute and having a good sense of humor... But they taught me so much more than I gave them. It was they who let me discover the meaning and happiness of being a teacher.
有的孩子知识面很广，督促我今后要学的更扎实而得以站稳讲台；有的孩子在备赛讨论时永远不插话，等到自己说话的时候便头头是道；有的孩子尽管很沉默，不愿意发言，但每天坚持到校，从不打瞌睡。孩子们感谢我的课堂让他们在课堂上勇敢地站起来表达自己想法；感谢我带他们打比赛，用坚定的眼神让他们没有那么恐惧和紧张。我还在孩子们的信里收获了很多新的代名词：冷脸的时候有教导主任的潜质、长得很可爱还有亿点幽默……但他们教会我的远远多于我带给他们的。是他们让我发现，成为一名老师的意义和快乐。
I gracefully put down what I have dreamed, but step on the really suitable road for my life.
我优雅地放下曾经的幻想，踏踏实实地走在真正适合我的人生道路上。
I'm still moving on.
我还在不断前行。
Date: February 3rd, 2023
